My body is a traitor but I have ninja cooking skills

Hello sports fans, tis I, your uncoördinated hostess, Bee!

SO today, i have discovered a few things about just how traitorous my body really is. I mean, I know I’ve eaten junk food, and lazed around rather than exercise, and they didn’t call me the beer squirl for NOTHING, but COME ON! That does not give my body the right to go and get OLD!

I should probably throw you guys some context here. Today, being a Sunday, and slightly after noon, my girly friends and I decided to partake of a few alcoholic beverages… not half way through my first drink, what evil little condition should rear its ugly head but HEART BURN! I mean really? I didn’t even know what it was, I’m just like “whoa, what the hell” and my cuz is like, “Oh, heart burn, have a quick-eze”… WTF? I’m like 26, isn’t this shizzle not supposed to kick in till I’m like 30-something, and having babies??? JEY ZEUS!

And THEN, just because my house is a tinsy bit cold, and my feet have gone a smidge numb, my body TRICKS me into thinking I need to pee. I mean, I was like, nah, I can’t be that busting, must be the cold, but my persistent evil pea sized bladder would just not Let it BE! So I go to the ladies for what has to be the world shortest pee, I mean, I don’t think that can even be classified as PEEING, I am so glad I’m a chick, and I don’t have a prostate, cause that shit would worry the hell outta me!

But tonight, as I was cooking dinner and saying hello to what I was sure must be the twilight of my life (minus the sparkly hunnies, and furry hunks full of angst and lust for me) I clutzed out and dropped a few pieces off ravioli into the gas burner on my stove, gah, I’m such a spaz! But then (don’t try this at home kids) my NINJA COOKING SKILLS kicked in, and using techniques learned from such prestigious masters as Mr Miyagi and Pai Mei, I Kung Fu grabbed those suckers right out of the flames without singeing a single baby hair off the back of my hand BOO YAH!

Oh body, how could I have ever doubted you!

Peace Love and Hunnicakes

KungFu Master B

XOXO